


Hamilton One-Shots

by MinutiaeMeraki



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Height Differences, Heroes to Villains, Hurt/Comfort, James is just sad, Light Angst, M/M, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-06-10 18:13:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15297195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinutiaeMeraki/pseuds/MinutiaeMeraki
Summary: Mostly Jeffmads or ships with James.





	1. Phildosia

Philip's POV~

I wake up to the shining, warm, summer light, that peeks it's ways through my bedroom window. I let my eyes slowly open fully, adjusting to the bright glow of sunlight. Gently I sit up, realizing the spot next to me, is indeed, not taken. No, rather a blanket is neatly folded in place of where a body would lay. In a soft manner, I run my hand slightly over my side, feeling the small prick of stitching through my thin cotton shirt. A small sigh escapes my lips, and my mouth soon forms a sorrowful, but sincere smile.

I swing my legs over the side of the queen sized bed, slipping on light grey, warm, house slippers. They were a gift I had gotten not to long ago for my birthday, from a special someone. My eyes that were clouded with sadness soon cleared as I smelled the fresh scent of homemade bread. Mom used to make homemade bread alot, she would make our whole family breakfast everyday. Classic Eggs, Bacon, and Waffles, or sometimes Pancakes, or Pops favorite, Coffee Cake. I missed the young days of waking up and smelling the sweet aroma of dough and perfumé, always following the delicious smell all the way to the kitchen. Every Morning I would give Mom a kiss on the cheek, and when Pops finally came down stairs I would wrap my arms around him with a hug, and he would laugh and smile, hugging me back with so much love in his heart.

My smile widens at the memories that built this house, this family. I peek my head into the all to familiar kitchen. The stove that Mom would always be at when I woke up was occupied by a lovely young lady. Her long hair fell beautifully over her shoulders, a small strand falling in front of her stern and focused gaze. A fine young woman she was. I walk up behind her and gently wrap my arms around her waist, earning a small and surprised squeak from her. "Hello Doll," I say as a plant a kiss to her warm, pink tinted cheek bone. She giggles slightly and turns around to stare straight into my eyes, with her own hazel eyes to gaze upon me. "Good morning, Flower Boy." She snickers again and I gently bop the tip of her nose with my index finger.

Looking at her more I notice she's wearing a blue apron, a beautiful apron that mom sewed as a gift to her. Mom was always proud of me to find such a spectacular lady to spend my life with. I gently kiss my precious little daisy on the lips, and back away, letting her finishing her memory filling food. She was always proud of me, Mom was a spectacular lady too.

"Love, how is your side?" My flower says to me. I run my hand over it once more and look up to her with a small smile and nod, "My Dear Theodosia, All is well." She nods and smiles that beautiful smile back at me, picking up a plate of waffles, and Pops favorite coffee cakes. She sets the plates down on the dining table, as we both take a seat. Me, pulling her chair out like a gentleman and stiffling a laugh as she giggles and says, "Sunshine shouldn't I pull out the chair for you?"

I shake my head and take a seat beside her, picking up a silver fork and digging into the waffles and coffee cake. Pops would have loved it, Mom taught my dear Theo well.  
"This is fantastic Doll." I say, taking another bite of my pops favorite breakfast dish. I miss it when we would all sit down at this very table, Pops complimenting my Mother on one of her dashing dresses, and amazing cooking. Me and my siblings would all hastily agree with him, arguing over who agreed to the compliment first. Mom would just laugh and tell us she loved us, tell us how proud she was, and how handsome and beautiful we were. It was Pops turn to agree, with Mom. Theodosia thanked me for my compliment and placed her hand on mine, done eating already, she rubbed small circled into my hand as I finished.

Once I was done, I stood up, but Theo had already grabbed the plates and sat them in the sink. I sigh, in a playful defeat, and make my way over to the living room couch, Theo following. Me and my brothers and sisters would play in this living room, careful to avoid tripping our cleaning Mother, and keep quiet for our working father. Theo sits down on my lap, and I gently wrap my arms around her, kissing the side of her face. There was no need to turn on the TV, we just wanted to enjoy each other's company. It wasn't often I could do this anymore, family time became scarce throughout later years.

I looked up at the ceiling, thinking to myself, as Theo thought to herself. We never needed to talk, the both of us thought alot. Similar things passed through our minds usually. I smile sadly again, memories flooding back once more.  
-  
Nine years old I was, when I first befriended Theodosia. Her father, Aaron, and my father, had a meeting with each other, and pops found it easier to talk at our house. Aaron brought little Theo along, after all he couldn't leave her at home, with her only parent off at a meeting. Theodosia and I began to talk, talk about our little kid problems of not getting a specific toy or meal when we wanted.

Soon we grew into teens and attended the same school, had the same friends, and quiet frankly by the age of 16, the same interest in another. Quickly we started dating, in secret, afraid our parents wouldn't allow it. One night, my dear Theodosia stayed over, and the next morning Mom caught us kissing. We were devastated, and scared. Mom smiled and we both looked at each other in confusion, she said she was happy. The next day, our fathers were told about our lucky relationship. They seemed a little against it at first, they weren't the best of friends after all, but soon accepted me and Theo's relationship.

Time passed and Theo stayed over more and more, until she basically lived here. She visited Aaron often, but moved in with us. He didn't seem to mind, "As long as she is happy," he would say. A couple years passed and I was twenty years old, we decided it would be good to take a family day out. Pops even invited Aaron, who hesitantly came with us. We all decided to go to a restaurant of Moms choice. Surprisingly all my younger siblings agreed  
-  
I let out a shaky sigh and Theo looks at me, making sure I'm okay. "It's nothing Doll, just some thoughts." I give her a reassuring smile and she offers an even brighter smile in response, nodding her head and leaning up against me, putting her head on my chest and wrapping her arms around me, careful of my side. Closing her eyes, I can tell she is starting to sleep, not quite yet though.  
-  
Mom had finally calmed all my siblings down, and we ordered our drinks and food. It was a fancy restaurant, expensive, but had alot of costumers. Soon our food came, and we all finished rather quickly, Theo and Mom halfing a slice of chocolate cheesecake. Aaron paid, much to Mom, and Pops obligations. All my siblings had calmed down, tired they were, as were all of us. Aaron and Pops were having an actually nice conversation, while Mom stood at the counter like area to pay. Theo and I's hands were interlocked and everything seemed perfect.

In a matter of seconds everything came crashing down as people with guns entered the restuarant, yelling orders. One of the men grabbed a woman, not just any woman, but my Mother. She shrieked and Pops quickly tried to get to her, only to be shot right between the ribs. He fell to the ground, and my Mom and siblings let out screams and sobs, as he bleed out quickly on the floor. I still stood, shock all over me, Theo trying to drag me away, until- another shot was heard and Theo now screamed. I blinked back to reality at the sound of my dearest Theodosia screaming, realizing that her father to had been shot dead, trying to help Mom.

The men ordered us to get down, or else he would "Shoot the pretty lady he was holding." We all complied, including my shaking young siblings. They barked more orders, more shots being heard. Theo sobbed into my shirt as I watched them carelessly throw my mother around, yanking her away from Pops dead body by her probably now broken arm. Everything happened so quickly, Mom yelled for them to let her go, kicking to get free, which she did, but they held a gun up, shooting her too. I screamed once more and ran to her, twenty year old me made the mistake of punching one of the men. Soon all I saw was red and only heard the sounds of little children screaming, then dying down into sobs until they were completely gone. There was only one family in that restaurant with kids. Mine.  
-  
I looked down at Theo, now asleep on my lap. Tears streamed down my face, but a smile plagued me. The bullet wound on my side burned from the thought of those memories. I lost my kind mother, her scent of perfumé still infiltrated the house. I lost Pops, the workaholic who loved his family, though he had done wrong to Mom once, he fixed his mistakes and learned, saying everyday he was sorry, he loved us, he was proud. All my siblings who never made it past or too highschool. Theo had lost her last parent, her father who swore to keep her safe. I thought I lost everything.

Looking down at Theo, that I had promised her dead father I would protect, I realized one thing. I hadn't lost everything. I had Theo. Theodosia was mine, she was alive, and one day It won't be Theodosia Burr and Philip Hamilton. It will be Mister and Misses Hamilton, with a family to build memories in this house once more. I still have, "My precious flower."


	2. Pheorges

Philip's POV~

I sat silently on a bench at the small park, waiting for my mother to pick me up. Twenty years of age and I have a loving mother, annoying, yet amazing siblings, a spectacular boyfriend, but I still don't have a car of my own. What a life.

It's been two hours, two hours since the time I was suppose to be picked up. She was never late, even with the horrific traffic of New York. Though I had no doubt mom had a reason for her lateness, so I waited patiently, tapping my foot in a calming beat on the cold, and cracked, sidewalk. I hummed softly to a random song that came to mind, closing my eyes.

I open my eyes after what seems like another hour. Frowning, I check the time. 4:19pm. I let out a small sigh, putting my phone in my jacket pocket again. I was starting to get worried, thinking, "Did she forget? It is possible with everyone else consuming up her time." Having so many kids was definitely a chore for her. I always tried to help out the best I could, when I could. Being the eldest I had alot of weight on my shoulders. It never bothered me as long as I got to see mom happy. Her happiness was everything.

Even more time passes, not much, when I hear the crunching of leaves and feel someone looking at the back of my head. I don't move. Maybe they were just walking behind the bench?

"Philip?" I hear them say in a familiar voice. Instantly I turn my head, seeing Georges. I smile and stand up, so I could fully face him. He didn't seem to want to sit, so I stood. He barely smiled back and I soon finally replied. "Oh hey Georges. Wait, aren't you suppose to be at school?," I ask, tilting my head the slightest.

Simply he shakes his head lightly and moves around the bench, looking like he has something to say, but he doesn't sit still. I knew he was suppose to be at the university, his college that was no where near this park. He must have drove for at least two hours to get here.. Damn him and his car and license. You see, Georges and I are dating, but we live quite aways from each other. We make it work, surprisingly well too.

"Philip, we've got to go." He says, sounding little to extremely urgent. His face is slightly paled. He grabs my hand, his own are freezing. After all it's the middle of winter. "Why? Oh, and your hands are freezing, here-" I say, taking a pair of soft grey gloves from my jacket pocket, handing them to him. He pushes them away, speaking again without answering me, "We have to go."

He grabs my hand, not giving me time to question him again and starts to drag me across the park, him being taller than me makes me struggle to keep up, tripping over my feet. "Georges, slow down!" I say, trying to keep the black beanie I had on my head from falling off. He halts, only when we are in front of a small silver car. His car.  
"Get in," he says, walking over to the driver's side. "You're scaring me, what's going on?" I say, taking a step away from the vehicle. Georges was never one to act so urgent or amxious, it was frightening. Did something happen to mom? One of my siblings?

"Phil, get in the car! I can't explain it to you, so get in the car," He says, and all I can really do is comply. Or run. I'm not running from my boyfriend. I step up to the car, opening the door and before I can even get my seatbelt on, Georges hit the gas and we were out of there in minutes.

He stays silent, and I can tell he looks anxious..almost afraid of something. "Georges please tell me what's wrong-" I begin but am cut off as he speaks his own soft words, "I told you I can't explain now. Just.." He trails off. "Just what..?" I say. He shakes his head and mumbles a 'nevermind'. I decide that it would be best not to keep asking.

I'm already scared. His attitude is scaring me. How he looks at me, like I'm a ghost. Georges was worried about something, his anxiety on the matter was filling the atmosphere. That's when I noticed..there was practically no traffic. In New York? This was porpostorous..It was impossible to have this little traffic. A chance that was slim to none. I look to my left, seeing that Georges doesn't even look like he's fazed by this odd city sight.

I am left to be consumed by my thoughts. After a little over a week of not seeing or talking to Georges, he comes to me at a park of all places. He's acting oddly strange, and it's already scared me. I don't know what's gotten into him, but I don't like it.

Soon we take a sharp left and the car is left to travel through the steel gates of a grave yard. Georges pulls to a stop, and I look over to him once again, confused. "Come on," He says to me, opening his door and stepping out. Before I even have the chance to touch my door or speak, his door is slammed shut and he walks around the car to my side. I open the door and step out. "What are we doing here?" I ask him. He takes my own cold hands into his freezing ones and starts to walk along the small path in the graveyard. "Georges answer me." I get no response. "Please," I say vainly, begging for an explanation.

Georges sighs lightly and glances back at me, "You'll see..," He speaks in a voice that seems almost distant, his soft words echoing through the old resting place. I say nothing, having to he satisfied he even amswered me at all. He was always a talkative person; What on Earth has gotten into him?

We walk, and walk, and walk, in silence, until he comes to a hault. I hadn't been paying all that much attention ahead of me, and ran straight into his back. I hear a soft crunching sound, looking around him to see that I had made him step on wilting and dried flowers. He looks at them sadly, a visible frown on his normally happy features. He picks the flowers up and sets them closer to the headstone. As he does this I finally take the time to step beside him and read the name.

Alexander Hamilton.

I should have known. I've been here all to many times. A few of those times were by myself or with my siblings, but many if not most of the times it was with my mother. She still grieved over our loss. All of us did. But this peeked my curiousity and I looked up at Georges' tall figure. "Why did you take me to my father's grave?" I ask. He squeezes my hand, that I had forgotten he even had taken hold of, a small outhaled breath escapes his lips. He looks as if he's trying to prepare for something, looking even paler than before. My own hands were pale, probably from the winters cold.

Without a word for an answer he steps back, revealing a grave to the side of my fathers.  
Shock overthrows my expression and I feel tears instantly build in my eyes. Georges hugs me from the side as I whisper a hushed 'No..' and the tears freely fall down my face. He looks sad and I'm sure I look beyond broken and confused. He does not look, but I can't seem to tear my eyes away from the name.

Philip Hamilton.


	3. Jeffmads

This was the first time the two had a fight. Sure they had plenty of arguments and yelling wasn't uncommon, but this was different. Thomas and James were at home when it started, and honestly neither of them could remember what it was about. It was something along the lines of James trying to tell Thomas to calm down over something Hamilton had said. That was it, yes.

He had came home complaining about Hamilton when he began to rant and yell, never noticing the slight whimpers from James. Out of anger, Thomas began putting words into James' mouth that he never said. "Don't yell so much," He had softly pleaded, but apparently Thomas had heard at least twenty other sentences.

Now both men were standing, James desperately trying to get some sense into Thomas before things got really out of hand.  
"I don't fucking understand! You mope around all the time, complaining about being sick! But the first second I say one word that has to do with complaining, it's the worst thing ever! Maybe if you didn't have your mothers goddamn immune system, you wouldn't be so damn useless all the time!" Thomas shouted, again oblivious to the whimper from James, tears beginning to form in his eyes. It wasn't the things he was saying exactly, but more the fact he was yelling at the top of his lungs.

James knew he didn't mean it, but still he drove him on. "It's not my fault, Thomas! Stop yelling!" He shouted back, trying to get Thomas to hear him over his own shoutings. It was funny because he always blamed himself for everything. Madison had a meek and soft voice, weakened by the usually week long sicknesses he was prone too; it was hard to yell over Thomas, but the more the both of them yelled, the more James could barely keep himself together.

"Don't tell me what the fuck to do! I'm sick of this bullshit, James!" Jefferson yelled furiously back. Now it seemed as if the tall Virginian was just arguing for the sake of an argument. His anger was dulling his rationality.

Before James could reply he found his small frame now slammed against a wall with a harsh thud, fear glazing over his eyes as his boyfriend rose a hand to most likely slap or punch him. He continued shouting something at him, keeping him pinned to the wall roughly, though James couldn't register the words, only that he was bitterly yelling, and yelling, and yelling.

Flashback  
"Stop hitting her!" James screamed as his mother was carelessly punched in the face by his father, probably the tenth one in the whole thirty minutes since the argument between his parents started. She seemed unfazed by now, this having happened many times before, though James was always to scared to do anything, along with his younger siblings.

He was always so scared when the yelling started.

Once James' father had heard the words escape from his sons mouth, he turned to him, rage filling his eyes. "What did you say, boy?" He hissed, and for a moment, James glanced at his mother, fear in her eyes once more. James' back was pressed against the red wallpaper of his home where he had now backed up to, tears streaming down his face as his father stalked towards him, anger in his eyes. "Nothing, s-sir. P-please don't," He had sobbed out as his father raised a hand. His mother bolted up once his father had struck his face once, leaving a bright red stinging mark. 

It was the first night James had said anything. Over ten years of being physically and mentally abused by his father. The last night Eleanor Madison was alive.  
End of Flashback

James crumpled to the floor in front of Thomas, whose anger never subsided even as the weaker man fell to the floor. That was until he started hyperventilating, wheezing even as panic overtook him completely. "T-Thomas please..p-please s-s-stop yelling....P-please don't," He managed helplessly and pitifully, his small body shaking violently as vast amounts of tears cascaded down his face freely. Madison could barely keep himself up on his hands and knees, falling completely to the ground, his eyes dilated in heavy amounts of fear. 

This seemed to click the switch off in Thomas quickly as he hastily went to his knees beside his now sobbing boyfriend. What an fucking idiot you are, Thomas! He thought to himself, hesitantly starting to reach his hands out to James, only making the smaller flinch and cry more. He didn't know why he was crying exactly actually. Probably for everything. What he was saying was bad enough, not listening to James, literally slamming him into a goddamn wall. Fuck, he messed up. 

Little did he know.

"James, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean any of that, please believe me. It's okay, Shh..," Thomas said quickly, concern overtaking any previous anger. Anger that should have never been directed at James, he coldly reminded himself. But his boyfriend didn't seem to even notice he said anything.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god-" James brokenly mumbled throughout choked sobs, holding his head in his hands tightly. Thomas had no idea what to do or what was happening. Usually when James cried, he would at least acknowledge he was there. Right now he seemed completely oblivious to the outside world, a traumatic look in his eyes glazed over and dilated in fear.

He had to say he felt so guilty now, he always did after any type of argument with James. Each sob broke him, the purely horrified look on James' face was enough to shatter his heart into pieces. But the worst part? He didn't even know what to do.

James was still hyperventilating, dizziness beginning to wave through his mind, along with flashbacks, his ears still ringing with every yell. He could barely even recognize where he was anymore. "Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, please stop," He mumbled now mixed along with what he was previously saying. Little did he know that it was completely silent in the room except for himself. 

"James, hey, please calm down, sweetheart. I'm so sorry, just please take deep breaths. Can you hear me, darling? Just listen.." He heard, but it sounded faint, yet comforting..., familiar...  
So he took the advice, trying to take deep breaths, trying so hard to ease himself from the flashbacks. His fear filled eyes fell closed, and Thomas was almost sure that James had fallen unconscious, as he stopped murmuring as well. But he had not, though he did fall limp, quiet crying emitting from him. Thomas softly said soothing things, pushing his guilt out of the way for his love.

James finally recovered the voice again as Thomas', his crying dying down slowly, though tears still fell. He knew Thomas didn't mean what he said. He also knew he didn't know something else either. Gently, still shakily, Madison wrapped his arms around his boyfriends waist. Thomas was sitting crisscross on the floor now, hesitantly pulling his shaking lover into his lap. James didn't seem to mind, so he slowly started to run his hand through his short curls. "James, honey..?" He inquired softly. 

No answer for a moment, but James soon lifted his head up and opened his red, puffy eyes. He didn't say anything, but it showed Thomas he was listening. "I'm sorry for saying those things and yelling at you.. I'm just stressed..I'm so sorry, so sorry."  
"It's okay..," James rasped meekly.  
"You forgive me that easily? James I-" Thomas began to reply but was cut off by his boyfriend.  
"I do forgive you.. You didn't mean it.. Not all of that's your fault..," He mumbled. A quizzical look played across Jeffersons face. How could it not all be my fault?!  
"What..do you mean..?" He asked, still gently running his hand through the smaller males short, black hair.

"I..I have akousticophobia.." James explained softly, looking away from Thomas, still trying to get rid of every last tear.   
"You have what?"  
"Akousticophobia..I'm afraid of loud noises, especially yelling.."

Silence followed those words as Thomas thought to himself. He clearly remembers James explaining his bad past with his father before. Damnit. He knew very well James was terrified of yelling.  
"James-"  
"It's okay, I promise..You're just frustrated..I know you didn't mean those things," Madison responded, giving his taller boyfriend a weak reassuring smile. 

Thomas sighed, running a hand through his thick curls, before nodding a little to James. "C'mon..," He said in a mellow tone, moving his arms to pick up Madison bridal style.  
"We'll just rest for now, that alright? Neither of us need more stress." Thomas waited for a nod from James before walking to their shared bedroom, carefully laying his boyfriend on the bed. He crawled in with him, taking Madison into his arms once more, holding him closely and tightly. "I love you, Thomas. I know sometimes you find that hard to believe, but I love you more than anything," James mumbled, burying his face into Thomas' chest.

"I know, sweetheart, I know. I love you too, more than I can express." Jefferson placed a gentle kiss on the top of James' head, before closing his eyes  
The two fell asleep, with Thomas having in his mind set to be more careful with James, and James himself lost in a whirlwind of thoughts.


	4. Drowning: James Madison

He hadn't known how long he was in the water or how long he had forced himself to keep his breath in. Panic was already embedded inside his veins and in his mind. He needed a way out. He needed to find the surface. Which way was up? What was the right way? 

He frantically looked around, until finally, he had to breath in. At first it was through his nose, and James could instantly feel the cold, bitter, and salty water flood into his lungs. Instinctively he choked on his breath and the water constructing his lungs, opening his mouth as his body told him it would help rid of the foul tasting water. Oh how his mind was wrong. With one choked breath out, he had to take a breath in. More water  cascaded down his throat, endlessly making him attempt to breath and get the water out at the same time. He could feel his lungs grow heavy with the blood darkened liquid. 

Black specks floated around his eyes, the dull vision of greyish and red water slowly, ever so slowly, turning completely black. Above the surface he could see a tall figure, their silhouette barely clear. Pain throbbed in his abdomen, plunging more crimsom into the dark water. Though it was only minutes, it felt like an agony of time before he finally ran out of breath..


	5. Jeffmads

~Flashback~  
~Third Person POV~

Highschool ended and James Madison was getting mentally weaker with every day.  
Highschool ended and Thomas Jefferson wasn't aware of his best friends mental state.  
A year passed after highschool and so far the only thing keeping James alive was Thomas. Now it was the second year after highschools end, and Thomas wasn't there. He wasn't there and still no where near aware of what James did to himself constantly. Where was Thomas? He was on a trip to France. He would be staying there for quite some time. A month or two, maybe more.

He couldn't stand it anymore. James couldn't stand this wrenched life. He hadn't talked to Thomas in months. Everytime he tried calling Thomas would never answer. James wanted to tell Thomas of his inconspicuous acts. But alas his phone calls were met with silence.

Call, after call, after call, after call, after call, after call, after call.

Until one day, James snapped, he gave up. Taking the bottle of pills in his hand, pouring them all into his hand. He stared vigorously at each red and white tablet. Stared for what seemed like forever. Tears down his face. Bedroom door locked.

As many as he could at a time, he swallowed each pill. Until his conscious ran blank and darkness surrounded him.

~End of Flashback~

James POV~

I approach the wide doors of the enormous brick-red building with a nervous glint in my eyes. Clutching the worn leather straps of my suitcase, my single suit case, I push the doors open, causeing the soft ringing of a bell. A young lady, about my age perhaps, greeted me with a smile, flattening her warm yellow tank top. "Hello, I'm Peggy! Here to get your room key? Name please." She had a cheeky expression, a nice and welcoming smile that complemented her squeaky but soft accent. I walk slowly up to the counter giving a small smile and my response, "Yes, and my name is James Madison." She nods and picks up a shiny blue clipboard with names plastered all over it in alphabetical order, last name first, first name last.

"Here you are. It's room 180, this floor." She said as she lifted up a fakely gold key. I thank her and grab the key, making sure not to touch her hand at all: See I'm just finicky about those things.

I make my way down the halls, glancing at every crimson door I pass by, until finally I'm met with one that has a golden plate across the middle of its lackered wood. 180 it reads. Unlocking and Pushing the door open I instantly notice no one else has been here. I was told to have a roommate, but to my surprise they had not arrived yet. It was already 5:30pm. As it is not my problem, I go to one of the rooms, deciding to get the bedroom on the left. Normally I would let the other person pick first, I'm not one for hearing people complain and get mad, so I always let people get first choice on...well everything.

With a heavy sigh I lie my bag on the already made bed, unzipping the suit case slowly, accidentally getting lost in a slight trance from it. Finally I actually fully undid the bags zipper and picked out everything from the leathered suit case. Clothes, toothbrush, hair brush, a few books I had managed to bring, medicine. Everything was there, though not much it was all I needed. So fixed up in unpacking, making sure each thing was sorted out and put up correctly, I blocked out noise.

I finished taking everything out and made my way to the living room. A small room, though it held a maroon sofa and dark oak wood table in the center. I sat gently down on the couch, leaning back as I stare at the tanned ceiling. I fixed my gaze onto the fan in the middle of the rooms ceiling, falling into a silent trance with only my dull thoughts to commence me. I stay that still and quiet for as long as I can stand staying still, 7:45pm rolls around and my roommate is still not here yet. As much as I'd like to not think this, but I probably shouldn't be waiting for a stranger, after all I hate strangers, but what if they had lied to me? Just another sick joke on me. Maybe I didn't even have a roommate. Yes, that could be it.

9:00pm. I'm done with waiting as my patience has ran out. I could meet this person in the morning. If, if, they even showed up by morn. I grab the blanket I had with me on the couch and walk into my dim lit room, throwing the blanket on my bed and slip my shoes off. I set them neatly inside the small closet about to get ready to sleep, when I hear the door.

Click.

I fall silent as I hear them step into the dorm. No words. As is obvious I can't see them and they can't see me, I am in my room, as they are in the living area.  
'"Hello, Anyone here?" They say with an accent slurred southern, minus the stereotypical and usually true, wrong grammer. I once knew someone with such a similar voice. I hadn't spoken to them in months though. I stay quiet in my room, not moving quite yet.  
"Hello?" They say again. I might as well get this over with. Meet them. Say Hi or whatever it is people do to greet. Nothing much, because this would just be another person to leave my life. Ruin it if possible. This person could hate me. This person could tolerate me maybe, at the most. This person perhaps may be another reason to leave this cruel world. I walk out of my room and hear a soft thud as suitcases are set down, and I put my gaze up.

This person...  
Is Thomas Jefferson.

Thomas. This person is Thomas. It can't be. He hadn't spoken to me in months, called or anything. There is no way in my darkened thoughts and shocked eyes I'm seeing this person correctly.  
"James!? I didn't think we would see each other again!"  
He said something. What did he say? Oh god I can't think straight. I stare dumbfounded up at him, a few feet away he is by now. He walks forwards and I place an arm forwards, my hand resting on his chest in hopes to keep him from coming any closer. To my surprise he just stops, not pushing my hand away or trying to walk forward anymore.

"James, It's me?"  
I couldn't seem to get that laced through my mind. Each word he said went through my head without registration. This could not be Thomas. Not the Thomas I knew. The Thomas I knew would have answered my calls. Would have been there. Oh how much I was glad he wasn't there.  
"It's Thomas. Jefferson? Your best friend. James!"  
He shook me by my shoulders gently, breaking me free from my idiotic stare and inconceivable thoughts. No..he wasn't going to Colonial University. Not him. He was out of my life after that incident. After his long visit to France.  
"No.." I mutter out, not fully sure as to what that meant even to me. That's all I could think right now. No, This isn't Thomas Jefferson. No, This isn't my best friend. No, he didn't somehow get in the same college as me. No, no, no, no.

Thomas' POV~

"No.." He mutters half heartedly under his breath. James wouldn't look at me and he hadn't spoken to me since I had gotten here. We were best friends who hadn't talked in months: James is the type of person who would greet me excitedly, like he always did when we hadn't seen each other in so long. Well, never had I been away quite so long. However, how could 'No..' be the first thing that comes out of his mouth?

"No? What does that mean?" I say as he lets his hand fall back down to his side, keeping his eyes locked on my face. He looks so distant, so broken. My god what happened while I was gone? He still didn't answer me. I can't believe he would just say a simple 'No..' And then just brush everything I said away.  
"James-"  
"Thomas I can't believe it's you. After all these months. After..." He trailed off at the last part leaving me curious. Though I pushed curiousity aside now realizing hastily how reluctant his voice sounded.  
"Of course it's me. Wh-" I started to reply but he spoke over me once more. Well at least he was finally talking to me after that...odd beginning silence. Honestly I was shocked to see him, but not surprised enough to fall into silence. After all I was happy to finally talk to him since my ph-  
"Where have you been?" He asked me with a slight bitterness in his voice, though not consuming it.  
"France?" I replied a bit confused. I thought everyone knew where I went? James of all people would have known. I was going call him but-  
"Thomas I called you everyday. Actually I called you multiple times one day...That's out of question. What happened?" He almost sounded frantic, as if something happened. Hm.  
"Oh yeah... I was worried about you, James. But I kinda lost my phone while I was in France with my family, and they said I couldn't get a new one till we got back home. So here I am with a new phone," I reply calmly as I raise a golden colored phone out of my denim pocket. His face was distressed but as soon as a spoke and showed him the shiny metal device, it faded into a more relaxed look.

"Okay." He replied simply but I could tell there was more he wanted to say. There was a certain way he looked when he was holding back something he wanted to say really badly. He would fidget with his hands more than usual and bite his bottom lip; Exactly what he was doing right now. Usually he would tell me not to worry about him, but no, now was just that one simple word that some how seemed to eat at my mind. 'Okay.'

"Well..um..I'm going to go unpack my bags and then maybe we can talk in here afterwards?" I suggest, trying to get him to talk more. James was never the talkative type, always so quiet and secluded, writing away at his hearts consent. Never this quiet though, no, not around me. We were best friends after all, what had happened?  
He gives a small nod, "Okay." He replies again. For some reason his monotoned voice discomforted me. How he said it in no emotion wrecked my minds ability to process how he was acting and why he could be acting that way. Then I realized that he was just plain out worrying me. Thats the simplest way to put this into words. Not even ten minutes into seeing him after months of worry and he was already worrying me again. Good job, James.

I grab my two huge brown leather suitcases and walk towards the room on the right, pushing the door open as I approach it. Quickly but carefully I place each item of clothing inside the small closet provided. I had a much better room at home in Monticello, hell, I even had a better room in that hotel in France. The room was only around $150.00 a night, not much for my family. Sad, a college couldn't even compete with a simple luxury hotel.

After unpacking everything, I shove the two suitcases under my bed and stand up straight with a satisfied sigh of getting that done so quickly. Letting out one more sigh though, at the realization I still have to talk to a very strange acting James.

Pretty quickly I make my way back to the small living area, where James is waiting. He's leaning back against the crimson cushions, but I can tell easily he isn't at all relaxed. Almost causiously I take a seat on the other end of the couch, leaving the middle space open. I sit with my arms resting on my knee's, lurching forwards, not sure of what to say. Though eventually the silence stays and I just start to think about this low-class dorm. After all I was expecting more from such a high rated university. I glance at the clock, 10:37pm it reads, and still neither of us have said a word. Honesty I just don't know what to say after not seeing him in so long. Should I ask how he's been? What he's been doing? If-

"How was your trip to France, Thomas?" He finally broke that awful quiet. Why was he speaking so...formally? No that wasn't the word. His voice sounded as if he was talking to a stranger he didn't want to annoy.  
"Oh, It was...um...great. Thanks for asking." I say back, and instantly the air is filled with the need for more to say, so I add on, with a question. "So, How was your summer?"  
He seems to think about it, for an awfully long time too. Finally though he says something, not what I was expecting really at all.   
"It was..Okay."  
Wow. There he was again saying 'Okay.' Was that really all he could think of? Usually he could say something alot better than that. After all he is the most creative person I know  really. Alot more intellectual than half the dumbasses that I've ever met.  
"Okay..so did anything interesting happen? Did you do anything?" I ask with a touchy tone, almost pushing the brink of being sarcastic.  
"No, I didn't. There...wasn't anything interesting either." He said to me still with a voice I couldn't quite label an emotion on.

I sigh softly, realizing he is obviously not going to say much. It even seemed like he didn't want to be here, around me. I wonder why? We haven't seen each other in such a lengthened time. Really the whole time I was in France, I worried sickeningly about him. See the year after we got out of highschool, hell, even in highschool, he started acting different. James was always quiet and soft spoken; He always told me everything. By Everything I mean what I think is everything to my knowledge. Though the past few years he seemed constantly distanced.

"James?" I decide to at least ask him about his odd behavior as of late.  
"Yes, Thomas?"  
"Is something wrong? I mean did I do something? Are you okay, You've been acting weird." I sit back against the cushions; The cushions which were alot softer than I had anticipated.  
"......Of course I am. You haven't done anything, and I'm not acting weird you just haven't seen me in awhile." He looked away from me when he said this. No, I'm sure he's acting weird, it wasn't just some time coordinated mess up in my mind. 

Though I'd like to stay and chat with him, and figure out what is wrong. Its 11:45pm and I need sleep, so I decide it would be best to talk more in the morning. School starts soon and I would appreciate some type of beauty sleep.  
"If you say so. Well, I'm going to sleep." I reply back to him, yawning as a finish my sentence. He nods to me and stands up, as do I.  
"Goodnight, Thomas."  
"G'night, Jemmy."


	6. Dollmads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ◇=Timeskip

James didn't want to go to this college "end of summer" party. What else was new? Everyone was aware that the man hated social gatherings of any type and that meant parties in specific. He wasn't antisocial, but dear god was he bitter with people. It was either bitter or anxious. Occasionally It was a mix of both. It wasn't his friends really, no he was sweet to them, it was strangers. Every family reunion he would hide in a corner somewhere, because he didn't know any of his own relatives. When there was a party guess where he was? A corner and away from people.

"Dolleeeey, I don't want to go," James practically whined, setting his coping of 'Murder on the Orient Express' on the couch side coffee table and crossing his arms. He wouldn't be finishing that book any time soon with his girlfriend's antics.

"It's one party, James!" Dolley said, sounding almost like a mother trying to convince their child to do something. That's about how much effort this was going to take. "You need to get out a little. It won't kill you."

"One party to many will kill me!" He argued as if it was a fact and sunk down into the old couch further in an attempt to hide from Dolley.

Said girl rolled her eyes and smiled down at James with an amused glint in her black colored eyes. "Come on, Jamie. You haven't talked to any of your friends face to face in almost two weeks. All of them will be there, including Thomas. He's really hoping for you to be there."

"Don't pull the best friend card to get me to go somewhere," James said bitterly. However, his tone was laced with a joking tone as well, nothing too harsh underlying the depths of that single sentence. A tiny grin infiltrated his glaring expression as he stared up at the standing, lankier girl from where he remained on the couch.

"Come on, James. I won't bother you again for the next month," She insisted and clasped her hands together. There was a big smile across her face, one that said she already knew she won.

And she had, because James sighed exasperatedly and said, "Fine." Dolley would actually end up bothering him in the next week or so about going out again, but there wasn't any saying no to that woman.

Dolley squealed and moved closer to James. She quite literally picked him up off of the couch to hug him, his arms pressed to his side's and his body close to hers. His face pooled with warmth. After four years of dating and so many years of being friends with Thomas Jefferson, the world's fondest person of hugs, he wasn't used to the affection. "Great! Thank you!" She released her strong embrace on the more frail male and instead placed her hands on his shoulders. "Go get ready, because we are leaving in an hour."

"Dolley..."

◇

James ended up wearing what Dolley picked out to the party. Apparently what he wanted to wear, a hoodie and sweatpants, wasn't acceptable in her eyes. At least what he had on now wasn't too bad; a pair of grey skinny jeans and a black long sleeved shirt with the exception of converse added. He did have somewhat of a say so in what he was wearing. Dolley only said no hoodies or jackets and wear a pair of pants that didn't have holes in them. It was a party for crying out loud! Half the people here would leave with more holes in their clothes or almost none at all. That's just how the crazier college parties went.

Dolley was the one to knock on the door. Instead of one of the Schyuler sisters opening the door there stood Abigail Smith. "Dolley! I see you convinced James to come along. Well, come in, come in, you don't have to stand on the front porch all night," She said in haste as she dragged the both of them in. James and Dolley both knew the other girl was drunk off her ass. She talked faster and barely left room for others to talk. Normally she was a quiet gal; almost as quiet as James and Aaron. 

Once the music hit James' ears he scooted closer to Dolley. Once the voices hit them he was already clinging to his girlfriend's arm. He frantically searched the first room in need of a place to hide from everyone and the noise. Sadly, there wasn't any. Every corner and crevice was occupied by some probably drunk or high young adults.

"We aren't staying too long, right Doll?" He mumbled in question and he finally looked up at her. She seemed to engrossed in a conversation with Abigail to notice he even said a word. How could she even converse with her when she was drunk was a wonder to James. "Dolley?"

"Hm?" She eventually said after a total five minutes more of waiting. Dolley gave a sheepish smile, obviously noticing she missed a important question when she saw the distraught look on her shorter boyfriends face.

"Can we leave soon?" He inquired more bluntly and hoped that she would agree. That was not at all what he got.

"Baby, we just got here," Dolley said and looked over at Abigail to say a small goodbye. If they stayed she would probably talk later, so it wasn't anything formal. After the other girl walked off, presumably to find her probably drunk boyfriend, Dolley turned to James fully and rested a hand on his shoulder so that she could pry him off of her arm. He didn't exactly want to not cling to her so a disappointed look moved over his expression.

"Please? S'too loud...," He mumbled, a bit relieved that Dolley didn't completely take away his contact with her. She intertwined their fingers in one hand. Dolley knew that it was almost like a coping mechanism to James. He may not like physical contact, but it helped keep his anxiety down. Especially if it contact with her. She may want him to stay, perhaps force him to stay, but she wasn't cruel and oblivious to James' obvious emotions.

"Jem, hun. It'll be fine, yeah? I promise. I'll stay by your side the entire time we're here. I'm sure there's a quieter place to hang in here. We are staying though, okay? It'll be good for the both of us to get a little social interaction." Now, Dolley didn't have social anxiety like James did, or the introverted personality, but she did understand it for the most part. She knew that if James really wanted to leave then they would. Still, she very much wanted to be at this party. Dolley liked the energy if parties. Maybe not all the drunk young adults and teenagers, but the wild vibe it gave off. "There's a few of our friends that we won't see for awhile after we graduate. It'd be nice to talk to them a bit." 

James was aware that she was trying to convince him to stay. Her smile was sincere though. That's one thing he liked about her. She had respect for him, unlike past partners. Not only that, but she was dedicated to their relationship more than he even knew was possible. She even took an extra class of psychology just to try an really better understand what he was going through mentally.

"A-alright.." He found no point in being difficult and gave in. Dolley wanted to stay, so he was staying too.

"Don't worry. It'll be fine."

"I'll try not to."

This ended that conversation and Dolley tightened her grip on James' hand. She dragged the shorter boy a long through crowds of people. James stumbled, but manages to keep up with her only because she held onto his hand. The girl wasn't too much taller than himself, but she walked a hell of a lot faster. 

They eventually found a slightly quieter room; the kitchen. Despite this being the place most of the drinks were being handed out and made no one was especially wild. There was a few couples, at least James hoped they were couples, making out. He also saw Theodosia leading Aaron up the stairs, presumably to a bedroom. James would make sure to tease him about that forever.

At that thought he could feel an amused smirk irk his lips up. Dolley took notice to this and stopped walking only to turn to James fully and nudge him playfully. "See! You're fine!" She cheered and looked to both sides a few times, obviously looking for something. She uttered a barely audible 'aha!' And let go of James' hand for a moment. His smile fell at the assumption she was going to walk off, finding something to her interest rather than keeping her word and staying by his side.

However, he was proven wrong as she stalked back over, two Coors light in hand. "I know you don't drink alot, but you need to unwind a little. Your still too tense. Just take this," She said and shoved one of the open bottles in his hand, retaking his free hand and sipping from her own bottle before James could intervene. He huffed as she purposely kept the bottle at her lips even as she didn't drink, glancing expectedly at her boyfriend from the side, a smile etched on her lips still.

James glared at her with his own tiny smile and took a quick drink of the alcohol. Neither of them actualky drank a lot. James drank once in a blue moon, and Dolley only did so at parties or something of the sort.

For the most part they just drank a little, caught up with a few friends they hadn't seen iver the summer that past through the kitchen. They had to have been in this same room for at least three hours. Actually it was exactly three hours and four minutes by James' count. 

As much as James wishes they could just sit there all night he knew it wouldn't be happening. Soon enough Dolley perked up when a new song started playing. Her eyes lit up like the fourth of July sky, a mischievous look in them as well. James tried to shrink away, but before he could even get his hand away from hers he was being dragged into a different room. The couple say their beers down in the process; Dolley, because she finished hers, and James, because he didn't want to drop his.

"I love this song!" She cheered, practically slinging the both of them into a crowd of already dancing people.

Oh.

Oh no.

"Dolley you know I can't dan-"

"Nonsense! You dance fantastically! Come on, Jemmy!" She placed her hands on his cheeks, looking down at him with a hopeful smile. James practically melted at the touch of her warm hands, and of course, yet again, gave in. It seemed he would do anything for her. If it meant seeing her smile then it would be worth it right?

Wrong.

For the first few minutes of the song it was fine, and James would actually have to admit he didn't look like a complete idiot dancing. And Dolley, oh Dolley. She was perfect. Her dancing was amazing, yet simple. He could feel himself beginning to smile again, thoroughly enjoying this more than he thought he would. Oh, hey! He wasn't even worried abou the people around him either! That's a plus.

Dolley drew herself closer to him and for a moment their faces almost touched. James was expecting a kiss, but what he got wasn't that at all. He didn't expect Dolley to put her hands on his waist, slowly wrapping her arms around him and lifting him off to ground, spinning the both of them around. She giggled with glee and James looked absolutely shocked.

"Dolley, put me down!" James said it scolding, trying to force himself out of her arms. Still there was a slight laugh in his voice, barely able to be heard over the original tone. 

"Never!" She exclaimed, hugging him tighter to herself and continued with what she was doing. Dolley knew James hated it, and that was exactly why she was doing it. No one else seemed to care though, but James could feel his cheeks pooling with heat from embarrassment. 

"Dolley!" This time he did laugh, clearly not as bothered as he first let on. James wouldn't admit that he enjoyed when Dolley would pick him up and do this exactly, and would much rather keep his cold overtone.

"Awe, fine!" She sighed out a breath and allowed James' feet to touch the ground again but did not yet remove her arms. "You know you love when I do that, Jem."

James rolled his eyes, "Whatever you tell yourself to sleep at night." Of course he didn't deny nor agree to what Dolley said. It would forever never be confirmed by James.

Dolley giggled again and leaned closer, pressing a quick kiss to the shorter boys lips, leaving a very visible red to tint his cheeks.  
"I think I've made you suffer enough. How about we head home and suffocate ourselves in blankets and watch some movies until three am?"

"Sounds like a plan to me."


	7. Jeffmads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ◇=Timeskip

It had been a few months since James seemed to have gotten lazier. Thomas didn't mind much at the start of it, assuming James was sick or something of the sort. It was hard to get a good reason when he was at work and James was at home. Oh, that was another thing. James quit his five year job as a lawyer. See, that's what really ticked Thomas.

He had a decent amount of money to work with, but James was leaving all the work to Thomas. He didn't help much at all anymore. Thomas in the beginning asked if something was wrong; he had gotten this way in college when he was depressed. James had assured him he was fine.

Not only that, but he didn't do anything around the house anymore. He would sleep all day. Of course Thomas was worried, but this shit had been going on for three months. It was starting to irk him more and more everyday. 

Currently Thomas was on the couch wathcing some suprisingly good, random show that happened to come on this late at night. He assumed James was asleep still. The man didn't get up almost at all the entire day.

"Thomas..?" Said a soft voice at the edge of the room. The voice belonged to James whom stood in the doorway.

The taller man had the decency to turn the volume of the TV down and look over at his boyfriend; the two still hadn't gotten married after dating for at least fifteen years. Both started dating in highschool and they were in their thirties now. He waved a hand that indicted for James to continued with what he was saying.

"We ran out of Tylenol," James began, and you could practically see the hesitant waving in the midst of his dark eyes.  "Could..could you go buy more?"

He shrank down at the sound of Thomas' sigh, the exasperated noise filled with disdain. "And why can't you get it?" Thomas responded, voice a little harsher than intended.

"I just..."

"You just?"

"I just thought it would be easier for you to get it?" James replied, sending a careful glance Thomas' way, only to look back down when he saw the look on his boyfriends face. He wanted to apologize so badly, but James knew that the other man was sick of hearing it. Thomas didn't believe him anymore.

"And how the fuck is that?" Thomas snapped back, turning the TV off completely and standing up to see James fully.

Said man rested a hand against the doorframe, shaking his head and keeping his eyes glued to the ground. "S-sorry, I shouldn't've asked. It's- it's not that big of a deal. I'll just go back-"

"No, I'd really like to know why James. Why can't you do any of this shit yourself anymore?" Thomas' voice wavered short of angery and James looked up at him with hesitance. In his talking walked closer to James, to the point he was just a foot or two in front of him.

"I-I'm really sorry, but I can't-"

"Why?!" Thomas finally raised his voice to something right below a tell, earning a flinch from James.

The shorter man looked back at the ground, his grip on the door frame tightening. He knew he couldn't blame Thomas for being mad. The thing was that he didn't want him to be.

"Answer me!" Something about his voice was desperate. Underlying the anger was a desperate voice. Thomas wanted some type of answer, some explaination. He just needed something. James was never like this. He was never so secretive with Thomas after all these years of friendship and dating.

"I can't!" James finally shouted back, both of them going silent after. Tears were in his eyes, Thomas' too. "I can't.."

Both of them were stressed for different reasons. Thomas didn't know what to do anymore. James changed so much in a few months and he wasn't sure how to handle it. It wasn't good change either and both of them knew it. James knew that more than anyone at the moment.

"You know what, fine. I'm done. We're done," Thomas said helplessly, causing James' eyes to go wide.

He frantically shook his head, letting go of the door frame unsteadyly as he reach other for Thomas. "N-no, wait! I can explain you just have to wait!" He cried frantically. Seeing the furious, but sad look, and a tear fall from Thomas' eyes was enough to make James' own tears fall.

"No, James. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of waiting for you to act like you again! You're a completely different person now and you're just leaving me to do everything! I can't keep doing this. It's like you don't even care about me anymore!" Thomas turned around, brushing James' hand off of his arm harshly and shaking his head. "I'm leaving. I'll come back in the morning to get my stuff. Maybe you'll finally come around," He said sorrowfully.

James choked back his tears to speak, his hand static in the space between Thomas' back and himself. "Please don't go. I c-can't go like this, I need you here with me," He pleaded softly, a quiet wheeze barely audible in his voice. 

Thomas, of course didn't understand. Walking to the door he looked at James one final time and said, "I just miss my boyfriend." With that he left, leaving the room feeling empty with James.

A sob left James' lips, and once more he reach for the only thing keeping him steady; the door frame. He looked down as he cried to himself, the sobs wrenching through his body. He retreated back upstairs, curling into a ball on what was his and Thomas' bed.

He knew he should have told him, but he didn't know how. James didn't want Thomas leaving and ultimately that was still what he got In the end. He got the only person he's ever loved so much to hate him. All because he was being useless. It wasn't his fault, though. He was trying, he really was.

The longer he cried the more pain would stab into him sharply. Each pang hit worse until finally he wasn't sobbing because of Thomas anymore.

◇

Thomas was surprised to find that the house door was indeed unlocked. That was strange in itself. When he entered the house he went up stairs first, mentally cursing himself for checking to see if James was there first. It didn't matter, right? When he went to their bedroom he was met with a putrid smell. He Cringed slightly, looking around the room until his eyes landed on the trashcan. Sometimes James would get 'sick' after crying, a voice in the back of Thomas' mind noted.

However what he found in the trashcan was more alarming; blood. A wave of panic went through Thomas. He shouldn't care though right? James didn't seem to care about him anymore.

Even with that thought in mind Thomas already searched the house for any sign of James and when he didn't find him he slipped his phone out and pressed call.

A buzzing noise could be heard from the kitchen counter. Thomas cursed, knowing it was James'. Where was He? Glancing down at his phone again he noticed a notification. It was a voicemail by an unknown number. Curiosity took over and he pressed it down, bringing the phone to his ear.

This is Pinewoods Medical Center. We're calling you on behalf of James Madison, who emitted himself in at 11:47p.m last night. You were his emergency contact and he told us to call you. You can call us back at-

Thomas pressed end, dropping his phone on the counter and resting his face in his hands. His heart thudded against his ribs painfully. Did he do something to himself? Dammit, that lady didn't say. 

Taking a deep breath he grabbed his phone and headed for the door. He guessed he wouldn't be grabbing his stiff today after all.

◇

Thomas arrived at the hospital in what seemed like record time. Not fast enough, He scolded mentally. So much was running through his head at once he barely had enough sense to check in to see James. It took too long, far too long.

He didn't bother asking the nurse what was wrong, didn't bother to ask where the room was and have himself lead there. Thomas frantically searched for the right number on the walls. Once he found the right number he almost ran into the door forgetting to turn the knob.

When he walked in James was asleep. He looked pale and his chest was riding and falling slowly. It was completely different from how he looked last night.

Thomas sat down in a chair, scooting it closer to the bed and quickly took one of James' hands; one of which had a heart monitor over one of his fingers. He turned his hand over, relieved to see no marks on his wrists. What did he do though? There was no answer. How did he get himself here?

It was a few minutes later, but James' eyes fluttered open, his head turning slightly in the direction of Thomas. He didn't register right away that he was there, looking on blankly at him. Realization soon dawned on him and you could practically see an array of firework like emotions come to life in his eyes. "Thomas..?" His voice was soft, much like the tone he used the previous night to get Jefferson's attemtion.

"Yeah, hun. It's me, I'm sorry about last night-"

"What are you doing here..?" James cut him off mid sentence, causing Thomas to furrow his eye brows.

"What am I doing here? What are you doing here?!"

James looked away, sadness clouding his eyes. Thomas instantly knew something was up. He's seen that look before. It's the look James has when he's hiding something, when he's going to say something he doesn't want to.

"I'm sorry, Thomas. I wanted to tell you. I really did," James began, tears building up in his eyes and slowly falling as his lip quovered slightly.

Thomas wore a concerned expression, squeezing James' hand tightly. "What do you mean?"

"I'm sick. I'm real sick, Thomas," James replied quietly. The tallers breath hitched, but James continues. "They don't know what it is, but my body's slowly shutting down and they don't know how to fix it. S'been going on for a little over a year now."

No. That was all Thomas could think. "These last few months. You've..." The lankier man trailed off, ducking his head down as he received a nod from James.

James, his partner, his friend, has been deathly Ill for more than a year, and he never noticed?

"I'm so sorry, Thomas. I-I wanted to tell you," There was a pause as James took a shaky breath in, causing Thomas to look up at him, a single tear escaping. "But I didn't know how. I didn't want you to leave me. I just wanted to act like everything was okay and normal and that I could live happily with you. I just wanted to act like I wasn't slowly dying."

"And now look," James chocked out. "I've fucked up everything."

"James, no...It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. We can still fix this. You'll be okay. I'm not mad," Thomas said softly, his heart breaking each and every moment he kept his eyes on James. All this time and he thought James was just being lazy. How could he not notice this all?

"You know it started when I still had my job? I-I was trying to work through it to get enough money to do something nice for you. You've been doing so much for me and wasted all You're money on bills and- and I wanted to pay you back. You know for being there for me?"

A pause that was caused by a sob.

"I bought tickets to France. You always told me how nice it was and how you missed it, so I spent money for two tickets. I just w-wanted to save up more money so I could pay for everything else. So you wouldn't have had to. It started getting worse so I had to quit my job. I still wanted to surprise you, but I couldn't find the right time to."

Thomas was really at a loss for words and there was no doubt he was crying now. He had been such an asshole to James these last few months and here he was saying this. Because James hadn't blamed Thomas for his anger like Thomas had blamed James. Because James still loved Thomas.

"I'm not gonna leave this hospital you know? I didn't think this was going to happen so soon. Everything just sped up all of the sudden."

"That's not your fault, James. None of this Is your fault, you know that right?"

"I won't be able to go with you on that trip. I wont be able to propose to you like I wanted to. I wont be able to spend the rest if my life with you, because this is the rest if my life."

Thomas covered his mouth to stiffle a sob from escaping.

"You know that wooden box on our dresser? I kept the tickets and money in that. The ring box i-is in there to. I wanted to propose to you in France, b-but I guess I'll never be able to do that now."

Finally Thomas did let out a sob, and stood up to put his arms around his boyfriend. "It's okay, James. You can still- you can still do all that. We can fix this. You'll be okay like always."

Even though he couldn't see James, He could feel him shake his head as the embrace was returned. "Thomas could you answer me one thing?" James asked with tears in his airy sounding voice.

"Of course, I'll answer anything."

"Would you marry me? If I was still around would y-you?"

Thomas almost couldn't answer, but managed out with the most confidence he could muster at the moment as he tightened his half of the embrace. "Yes."

◇

Thomas stood in front of a grave stone that goes the words of his late boyfriend...No, his fiance. James died two days after that life changing question. Thomas had to use the money James saved for his own funeral, but kept the tickets. Around his neck he wore the ring James was to give him.

Carefully he sat a single orchid atop the gravestone, a single tear running down his face. If only he had known.


	8. Jeffmads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sort of like a Quirk/Powers/Hero & Villian AU. Sorta? You can pretty much think of it as any of those. Since I realised the related values, there are some pretty blatant references to My Hero Academia?
> 
> UNEDITED

Thomas Jefferson was a man of little fear. He wasn't afraid of heights, or spiders, none of that generic stuff. Hell at one point he would even tell you he wasn't afraid of death. And perhaps he wasn't, but this, this was not what he imagined. This was not the world he imagined he would live in and would most likely die in.

90% of people were born with a power. Some were extraordinary, while some were not. Most of the time the people without an ability were not looked down upon; unfortunate maybe, but not shunned for how they were born.

Naturally this also meant that sometimes people used their power for bad. Throughout the years most of the malicious criminals were wiped out or put in cells. That's why they have heroes; to protect.

Thomas had always found the idea of heroes and villains to be just sort of cringy. The names sounded more for stories than real life. Even though he was born with a rather strong power he never used it. Plenty of people survived without one, so why couldn't he?

Thomas was born rather privileged, especially for someone of darker complexion, but he was humble. He knew how to spend and save his money, and he knew how to relate and sympathize with the powerless.

Still, he had never really personally met one and talked for long.

That was until his first year of high school, when he met a short, young boy named James Madison. He was timid and nervous, with a quiet voice but strong opinions with facts to back up almost everything he said when he did speak. But he was full of hope, hope to become a hero. Everyday he would ramble on to Thomas about how he was going to change the world. Thomas would always smile. Both of them knew it was impossible, but at the time they didn't care. All that mattered was that James would change the world. 

As said before, however, James was a person with no power, no ability, nothing. Madison was born into a family just a wealthy as Thomas', but the latter learned he homeschooled all of elementary and middle school due to sickness and bullying. But he still had hope. Highschool he finally decided to face the world head on, and joined a university specifically for training with heroes.

Thomas had advised against it, tried to be the voice of reason. It was dangerous, but James was hopeful. They were great friends by now so why wouldn't James listen to him?

He hated himself so much for that.

He regretted that very decision.

He remembered the light in James' eyes.

He remembered it dimming as soon as he tried to talk against James' goal.

He wanted him safe.

And so Thomas joined the university with James. He never wanted to be a hero, but he did want his friend safe. His only friend.

The first year there was when he realised how cruel the world could become. How cruel people were. All the derogatory comments towards James, how they said he was useless, useless to the university, to heroes, to the world.

He could see the light getting fainter and fainter with every word. And yet James still spurred on. He tried his hardest even if it wasn't enough. Because he had a dream, he had hope, and he'd be damned if anyone took that away from him.

It was an impossible goal. Thomas knew it. James knew it.

How could someone without a power save anyone from the monsters of the world? How could someone without a power have such a dream?

Thomas saw how hard James was trying, how hard he was pushing himself to be better, and better, and better. But it was never enough.

He tried so hard to help him, to defend him, to protect him. Every day James seemed so much more of a shell of a person. It was like he was wasting away.

That was until one day James told him he was.

He had cancer. James. His James. His boyfriend, had fucking cancer.

Everything he was working for was pointless. He was going to die anyway. Thomas could tell that's what James thought. He tried to talk against him. It never worked.

And so James quit the university. He stopped trying to change the world and make it a better place, make himself better. He just stopped trying.

James wouldn't have died in peace, no not at all. Not when he knew he would never achieve his only dream. His only goal in life and it would never happen.

No one helped him, no one other than Thomas and a new found friendship between two top students Dolley Payne and Aaron Burr. Others still pestered James for the short time he still stayed at the university. He never told them. How could he? More the reason for them to degrade him for his goals.

God, Thomas wished they had seen what they were doing to him. How far they were pushing him. Even after leaving the university it was awful for James. Once everyone found out a powerless person was stupid enough to join the hero course they made sure to give him hell for it. All James had now was Thomas and his two other friends, whom had the same goal as him. At some point at least. They wanted to change the world. 

Thomas wished they hadn't done that.

Because, one day they pushed him too far.

He doesn't know how he did it. He doesn't need to know now. James managed to get a power from somewhere or someone. A powerful one that put Thomas' such high and mighty ability to shame.

But he didn't return to the hero course, no of course not. How could he after what they all did to him? After what they made him feel? After he found out he would die in a few years anyway?

Thomas never broke up with James and James never broke up with Thomas. They never talked. They never saw each other. 

He lost him.

Now Thomas sat on the roof of their old school, watching with some of the other previous students. They had graduated a few years ago. It was fitting to come back here, to where this all began. 

"I wish I could have helped him. All of them," He murmured lowkey, staring off at the sky. 

"Wait. You knew him? Personally?"

"I knew all of them," The tall, dirt covered man murmured. "At least I thought I did. Once. A long time ago."

"What were they like?"

Some crumpled copy of a smile crossed his face face. "They were going to change the world. "

And around them, the world burned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This made me sad for some reason.


	9. Dance with the Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was kind of made for Halloween. Its unedited so don't hurt me.

Thomas Jefferson was a spindly young man, graceful in his step and confident in his abilities. He was a very aware individual. Aware of himself, aware of the world. Shall he instead say multiple worlds? 

There was a world for humans and there was a world for more exotic concoctions of creatures. Yet one day out of the year these worlds go from split apart to conjoining into a biworld where nonhumans and humans can interact knowingly; October 31st.

Most assumed that Halloween was created thousands of years ago because of the Celtic pagans whom believed the dead, the trapped, and the unholy walked amongst the earth  again could be temporarily tamed and deceived through treats. Those who were living were said to wear a disguise to blend in with those not. And in a sense they were right.

The treats were not candy, rather sacrifices, both human and animal. The dead could walk with the living whenever they pleased, and yet only worried others on this specific autumn day.

Throughout out decades, and even millenia the terms for this gathering of sorts changed. Monsters and humans started to bond and become friends, starting families and a life all over again. The tradition for the past many decades of Halloween was a simple party of sorts. A vast field was decorated wonderfully for the meeting between two worlds.

And that day was today.

Getting into this place - though in an open field - was no easy feat. You couldn't just walk in. No, you had to pay. A single drop of blood, the kind from a small prick of your fingertip, and a large sum of money on both participating halves.

Thomas, luckily, was a man from a rich family who could afford to lose a few bucks and a drop of blood. Ever since he was a young boy he dreamed of going to this place, making it a goal before he was even a teenager. Tonight was finally the night his dream came true. 

The lanky man, though cocky in a sense, was nervous. His usual gate was gangly and inelegant, the palms of his hands sweating feverishly. Not all parts of each world enjoyed each other. Some humans hated these monsters, calling them as such. The same could go the reverse way.

He may have been normally buoyant and a tad haughty, but he was smart. Intelligent enough to realize all of the possibilities of what could go wrong and that these creatures were stronger than any human could possibly imagine. Thomas was paranoid, stupidly so.

Somehow he hadn't noticed that out of all the time he had been waiting in line after the journey to this large field he was now concerned with entering. Pulling up his best copy of a smile he noticed there were only two individuals letting so many numbers of people in; one human, and one not. They were dressed in matching clothes, a black dress with green hues here and there and a black suit with the same metallic, grassy tint as the bowtie.

This was the first couple he had actually seen like this; the human male was stout, not overweight, but chubby and short. Thomas had seen him once. It was John Adams of course. A long time friend of Jeffersons. The hefty man mentioned a wife once that was, quote on quote, "not from around these parts." The woman must be Abigail then.

Thomas realized far to late that he had been standing there far to long when he saw a hand waving in front of his face and was met with a smirking John Adams.

"You've been starin' at my wife for quite awhile now. Thought you didn't go for women?" Adams teased after he gained full attention.

Thomas flushed at the accusation that was so loudly presented to everyone else. He coughed out his answer, "Actually I prefer my women just as much as I prefer my men."

That statement earned a hearty laugh from the other man who only shook his head after and went ahead with the process of letting Thomas through. "Maybe if you're lucky you'll actually have someone go home with you after a party for once!" John called after him as he walked away.

Thomas huffed and shoved his hands in his pockets. Sometimes his friend was really far too much.

Now that he was past those two everything became clear and his senses felt all too overwhelmed all at once. Crowds and crowds of people appeared as if they weren't there before and music blared soundly and clearly. Of course a sort of illusion would be made so no one could enter. It was clever.

However, now that Thomas was inside the area he had no idea what to do. His only friend here was John Adams and by the looks of it this was practically just a social event. Boring to say the least. It was loud though, whether it be voices and laughs or the music the noise level was enormous. There were probably hundreds of people here. He wouldn't be surprised if there had been more. For now he decided to get a drink. Boredom was nothing a little wine couldn't solve.

After a glass or two the tall man wondered what he could do. He could always try and find a girl that seemed lonely and try out his flirting again. It was checked off his list though when he remembered his last party. Angelica Schuyler had one hell of a backhand. 

He sigged out an exasperated breath and leaned against a table. As magnificent as this was it would be fantastic if he could talk to somebody. Thomas wouldn't bother Adams because he was busy with the gate like space. He would drink more, but refrained from drinking himself silly so that was a no. What could he possibly do here now!

As if the God's heard his desperate cry for some motivation to talk to someone without getting slapped someone nearby caught his attention. It was a peculiar looking young man, who Thomas would assume was his age. Human years anyway. This man was in fact not human and did in fact not look pleased with his surroundings.

The sour faced individual adorned dark feathered wings that would have dragged on the ground had they not been lifted up some. A glimpse or two later made Jefferson catch coal black sclera and yellow irises. The fellow looked on the short side; even from where Thomas stood he could tell with all the people walking past. The attire Thomas' diminutive interest wore was formal just as everyone else's; a black suit with silver embroidery and a dark purple tie. It was simple and yet fancy at the same time. He wondered why the man looked so disdained. Perhaps something happened?

Thomas decided to let his legs work before his mind because he was already walking over to the individual who almost instantly spotted him. He hesitated when the piercing gaze met his, albeit something else shone in the small mans eyes. For a moment the taller assumed that this was a lost cause because the stranger looked about ready to bolt, eyes searching for a way backwards. Alas there were too many people in the way and Thomas ready him, extending a hand politely as he did so.

"Lovely evening, is it not?" Thomas said with a hint of laced up sarcasm. He didn't think it was noticable until he saw the faintest smile on the mans face, but a nervous look nonetheless. "Thomas Jefferson." He shoved his hand forward a little more, expecting a hand shake keep something of the sort.

The stranger only crossed his arms, smaller feathers on his wings fluffing up in a way that intrigued Thomas.  
"James Madison. Do I know you?"

"I'm afraid not. I've never actually seen any one of your kind?" The statement made the man tense a little and instantly Thomas went to fix it with a sputter, "I-I mean! I mean that I've only been around other..humans before. It's strange to see the differences everywhere." He offered an awkward smile to go along with it.

The short man returned a scrutinizing gaze, looking him over. They never met gazes again for long. Thomas couldn't tell If he had pissed him off with what he said or if the other was nervous.

"And you came over here why?" Asked James. 

"You look as displeased with the party as I am," returned Jefferson.

"Really? You look like the type to enjoy things like this."

"I'm more of a party guy, not a formal social gathering guy." Thomas could say one thing for certain; he hadn't even talked to this guy for ten minutes and he felt infatuated. James had a soft voice that was hard to hear over everyone else's, but nice nonetheless. His stature wasn't that great and he seemed anxious with how he held himself a spoke. It was kind of endearing in a way. Though Thomas did wonder something.  
"What are you?" He blurted without a second thought, instantly wanting to slap himself.

"What?"

"Er, like, I'm human and you are...?"

"Oh. I'm a demon. More specifically an Aerico."

"So like the devil?" Thomas officially wanted to leave this party. Not only was he trying to start a decent conversation and failing, he just compared a random guy, a random demon, to Lucifer-fucking-Morningstar.  
Except it wasn't that bad. In fact he managed to get a laugh out of James, finally able to see the sharp, coned canine teeth. The sound was soft. Louder than his normal voice, but soft. 

"If that's what you say, sure." Madison seemed less tense now. Thomas doubted it would fully go away.

"Uhm...so I'm guessing you don't like parties."

"I hate them. In fact I avoid them so i don't have to talk to strangers."

Thomas blushed a bit in embarrassment and used a singular hand to scratch the back of his head. "I was actually going to walk over here to see if you wanted to dance. Well, if you would dance with me. Just thought I'd talk a little so it might make things less awkward if you said yes."

James chuckled and shook his head, a sign pressing through his lips. "And why would you want to dance with me? There are girls all around you, other men if you fancy them."

'Is it that obvious I like men too?'

"You just asked me to dance. I'm a man. It's pretty obvious."

"Oh, shit, I-"

"Said that outloud. Yes. Are you going to answer my question. Why dance with me out of everyone here?"

"Well..hum." Thomas mumbled something to himself, gathering his confidence. He didn't know what it was about this aerico that made him loose his nerve. 

"Hm?"

"One: you looked lonely. Two: You look cute and I didn't know if I'd see someone like you again after this whole thing." Thomas winced internally. That hastily washed away seeing the look on James' face.

Red dusted his cheeks and his shoulder slumped up, wings folding over them a little. As Madison turned to the side, Thomas thought he ruined his chances to dance. This was not the case.

"Y-you think so?" James' voice came out in a nervous stammer and the lanky man really almost didn't comprehend him this time. Although, once it registered he felt a simper quirk his lips. So he flustered him?

"Of course! I don't just ask to dance with anybody you know." Thomas saved James from pure embarrassment and went with the straight truth rather than pure compliments just to see how flustered he could make him before it was borderline annoying.

The demon looked at him unsurely from behind a wing that his his face previously, hesitance clear in his expression. Slowly he lowered it down, pushing a hand out to him.  
"Then I-I suppose I can take you up on that offer?" It was meant as statement and here he was stuttering out an award question.

Thomas had to keep from being over excited, nodding happily and grasping onto the extended hand. All of the music was slow, perfect.

Once a suitable spot was found the taller of the two rested his hand on the others waist, keeping there hands intertwined. It took James a little longer to grow enough courage to put his hand on Thomas' shoulder.

"I should warn you I'm not the greatest at dancing. This height difference between us makes matters worse, you know," the demon pointed out.

Thomas shrugged and slowly started to move, mindful of the new information anyway. "You don't have to be good at it. I'm just glad I actually found someone decent to talk to. And it just so happened the cute stranger wants to dance as well." It was meant as a tease, of course.

 

James wasn't lying when he said he was bad at dancing. He wasn't downright awful, but the stumbled a few times. One dance turned into two, two turned into four and soon enough the two has been dancing and talking all night, occasionally sitting to the side and speaking as if they had known each other for years.

Alas the night was coming to and end and the final song played quietly, most everyone up and dancing now. James looked much happier than he has before and Thomas was simply ecstatic about how the night turned out.

"I suppose now you can tell everyone you've danced with the devil?" James jested quietly in reference to Thomas' earlier mistake. He was glad that the night took this odd turn. He had never been one to socialize, especially with humans and here he was completely enraptured in knowing Thomas.

Thomas chortled out softly as the song began to close. "You're the most angelic demon I've ever met."

James blushed, but laughed out his sentence, "I'm the only demon you've ever met."

"Will I see you again?"

"You sound as if we're lovers and I'm going off on some dangerous quest. At least ask me out first."

"Okay. Then, dinner tomorrow?" Thomas smiled coolly. 

"I can go out with my wings and my eyes like this?"

"You can do anything you'd like." A kiss was placed on James' hand and a smile remained on both of their faces. 

"Deal."


End file.
